My palms were sweaty as I stood in front of Shane's house. I wiped them away as much as I could with the expectation that I might have to shake someone's hand and the thought of them being disgusted made me sweat more. It was a vicious cycle. Nevertheless, I rang the doorbell and could see movement behind the glass panels in the door.
"Shit, I forgot to clean my room." The voice was muffled and I giggled.
"Shane? I heard that."
"Oh. Um, it's alright. I'll pretend you didn't." I heard him chuckle and could see his shadow fixing his hair before he opened the door and welcomed me in. His face was still red from embarassment and he excorted me out to the backyard where he set up a space for us to use. On the table there was a cooler with some drinks in it, a fruit lined tray beside it, and a napkin holder with its contents flapping in the breeze. He sat down in one of the lawn chairs with his pair of sunglasses and grabbed a drink, I joined him opposite grabbing a random bevarage with the hopes that I would like it. We sat there in silence for a moment, both of us stealing glances at each other.
"I thought we were going to practice in your dad's practice room?" I asked.
"Oh. Yeah. Shit. I figured you might want to just hang out for a little bit first. I also kind of wanted to talk about the other night." He responded. Maybe I got to the point too quickly.
"Don't worry, your secret is safe with me. You can keep dating Kate and I will continue to keep to myself." I took a big gulp of the lemonade in a can and made a weird face as I realized it was spiked.
"I want to keep seeing you." Shane said, placing his hand on my knee.
"I won't say anything. Kate won't like the thought of you leaving her for a nobody like me."
"You're not a nobody to me." Shane looked at me seriously.
"But I'm not really a somebody to you either, right?"
"Grayson, I - "
"No, it's alright. Let's practice. We can do it right here." I tried making it sound like this was some type of chore. The truth is I wanted him to feel how he made me feel when I'm around him let alone when I'm inhabiting him. He nodded, slid his drink onto the table and slipped off his shirt. When he turned, I traced the landscape of his back with my eyes, following where the muscles had grown with his work out routine. I placed both of my hands on his shoulders and then closed my eyes, pushing slowly until I could feel only air on palms. I opened my eyes to the world in front of me, already inside and in control of Shane. I could feel his pants getting tighter and I tried to ignore it. Shane was in my head, feeling my excitement and my care for how I saw him. Of course, I looked down at myself and saw how I was able to control his body. Tensing his arms and admiring how full and complete I felt inside of him. I looked farther down and despite wanting to explore his body further I slipped out of him. The air hit my neck as I removed myself and I sat down quickly to hide my own erection. Shane was standing shirtless in front of me and turned slowly, revealing not just a tight set of abs but also a bulging hard on.
"Sorry about that." The blood rushed to my cheeks and I tried not to look at him.
"You never need to apologize to me. You don't have to be embarrassed." He sat down again, his hand returning to my leg. "If you want to do it again, you can." I realized that my head was starting to feel lighter, a fuzziness washing over me as I stared at Shane.
"Shane? What's happening?" My voice came out of me distorted and I heard a thud before my vision and feeling was gone completely.
I was looking up at a ceiling I had never seen before and blinked a couple times before sitting up.
"Whoa, careful." Shane was already there with a damp towel and a glass of water. He carried me inside and laid me down on his sofa, letting my legs rest in his lap.
"What happened?" I rubbed the sides of my head. This was worse than the hangover.
"I think you were dehydrated or something." He offered me the glass of water which I took and practically chugged.
"I don't think that was it." I laughed as I finished it.
"Shane. I like merging with you. I feel safe inside you. Even just with you I feel like I'm myself."
"It's because I'm so strong." He flexed an arm for me, smiled and then became serious again. The whole series of actions was hot and I could feel the blood rushing to my crotch yet again. Maybe the boner is what made me pass out in the first place.
"Do you like me? I think I might be confused as to what this and what we are, but like I need you to tell me what you want. If you just want to be my partner then fine. I'll keep it cordial." If I was being led on I was getting tired of it.
"Yes. I like you, it's just," He stared at me, trying to look for the right words to say, "it's taking every part of me not to jump onto you right now and just make out with you. I think I have always had these feelings not just for guys but you. You make me feel right. Even when you're inside of me. I just - "
"What?" I was expecting a 'but' and here it was.
"But Kate. People at school."
"I got it." I stood up and started walking away.
"No, wait." Shane grabbed my hand, but I yanked it right back.
"No. It's okay that you need to figure things out. I totally understand that. I just don't think I can be strung along. I mean look at me now? I admire you so much, don't you get that? The way you make me feel is indescribable." I sighed as I stared him down.
"I do get that, it's just."
"Kate and people at school yeah I get it." I turned away again, starting to head towards the front door. When I turned around to get one last look he was already trailing me, grabbing my waist and pulling me into him. His lips were soft as they pushed into mine. I pulled myself away even though I badly wanted to keep going.
"I'm sorry." His eyes sparkled even when there wasn't any light to reflect off of them. His hand found its place on my chest and he slid closer to me, wanting more than just a kiss. As he started to grind I started to feel us merging, but I pushed him away.
"I should go."
"Oh, hello!" Right as I opened the door, Shane's parents arrived.
"Great." I closed my eyes and pressed my fingers into them.
"Mom! Dad! Hey we were just studying." Shane said, adjusting himself.
"Yeah and now we're done." I made sure my stare was cold as I looked at Shane, leaving the front door and heading back to campus.
"Who was that, honey?" Shane's mother asked as he squeezed between them and chased after me.
"Hey, wait." He grabbed my arm as his parents continued to watch.
"What, Shane?"
"Will I see you on Monday?" He looked a little beat up, but it was nothing compared to what I was feeling.
"Yeah, Shane. See you Monday. It'll be hard to avoid, we have classes together."
"Hey, don't be mean."
"I'm not be mean, I'm being honest. I'll see in class, partner." I turned away from him and heard him sigh. My mind was racing and my heart was pounding inside of my chest. The only thing I could think of was Shane even though he would continue to just be someone I possessed.
At the Café, Catherine was in the middle of a busy shift and I came inside looking like I was about to cry.
"Who do I have to beat up?" She ignored a customer and then signaled one of the other baristas to take her spot.
"I know we weren't even together, but this last week and everything with Shane has felt incredibly right until today." I leaned my head against my fist and just shook my head.
"What did he say?"
"He wants me enough to hide me away so he can keep dating Kate. I'm like a mistress." I scratched the side of my head.
"He wants you though? That's good!" Catherine was filled with rage even though she was trying desperately to be supportive and look on the bright side.
"Yeah? Now I have to practice possessing him and know exactly how we feel about each other every time we merge? That's torture."
"Can't you just switch?"
"That's not how it works." I took a deep breath in and let a tear drop.
"Aw, c'mon now. Want a coffee?" Catherine rubbed my arm.
"I just can't believe I let myself get wrapped up inside of his charms. I knew it wouldn't be different."
"Grayson, just take it a day at a time. You know how he feels. Do you even remember what it was like for you coming out?" She had a point. I remembered coming out to my mom and I was so afraid. I picked a public spot, somewhere people might be watching just in case she decided to hit me. I never really came out to anyone at school because most of them didn't really care about me and even then I started to keep to myself. Most of all I remember fear.
"Yeah, you're right. I think I just need some rest. My head is still a little sore from passing out earlier. Thanks for letting me bother you at work." I sighed.
"Anytime, bud. Don't beat yourself up too much, okay. I'll see you later?" She returned back to the her role in front of the register already knowing she would.
I walked outside, looking at the architecture on campus and stretched. Out of the corner of my eye I saw something pitch black dart from a car to behind the building. My eyes followed it, but I stood still as long black fingers curled around the brick corner. I winced as I was surrounded by whispers and it wasn't until I was on my knees clutching the sides of my head to make them stop that they disappeared. I looked back to where I saw this black figure and the fingers were gone. In fact, there were two random students chatting as they leaned against the brick.
Looking around, I picked myself up, only getting a few stares and went off to my dorm. I walked through it, thinking only one thing. I needed to apologize to Shane.
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