Author’s Note: When I first wrote this, I had been going through a lot of body image problems. I'm a tall guy with a bit of chunk and I never thought someone was going to have feelings for me. Even now I still struggle with my own body image, especially with such hard stereotypes about how gay men as supposed to look. I'm healthy and active, but it's just hard losing the pounds, almost as if my body is incapable. Despite this, I'm still working on myself and always trying to get better both physically and mentally which is something I am rather proud of.
This story was originally posted as part of the Summer Season (2015) titled "323: Post Crash"
I woke up and rolled over, reaching into the empty space next to me where Michael had slept throughout the night. My fingers rand underneath the sheets and felt the warmth his body had left behind. For a moment, I panicked, realizing that he was gone and then quickly sitting up to find him looking at himself in the mirror of the bathroom.
"Are you okay?" I asked, leaning back into the pillows. He jumped slightly and blinked at me through the reflection. I think he was excited to see me and even more excited to see me with my shirt off which was completely understandable. This body was well-groomed, muscular, and rather attractive. I can see why he was excited.
“Well, good morning.” He said, adjusting his shirt. I could tell he was uncomfortable, but I was not really sure why. He slid onto the bed at my feet and chuckled, scanning my body with his eyes.
On the way back from the theater, I stared out the window and watched the buildings go by with my hand on the center console. I could see him in the faint window reflection looking over multiple times before finally deciding to grab it. When we arrived at my apartment, he cooked me a meal using the ingredients that had been left to me in the fridge and I loved watching him from behind the kitchen island, leaning against the opposite counter as he maneuvered the stirring stick to cook the separate ingredients. The smell was so intoxicating that I almost started eating the food before he could arrange it all on plates.
For half the night, he touched me. Admiring the curves of my body, flexing whenever he gave me the signal. His soft hands sent shivers up my spine each time they made contact it felt like strings of energy had been attached wherever he touched so that when let go I wanted to be pulled right back into him. Eventually, I tried making a move as I had seen in my education and research, but he stopped me every time. He would kiss and grind and touch but he wouldn’t let me let him -
“I’m sorry,” Michael closed his eyes and pushed away, throwing his legs off the side of the bed, “I just feel gross, like, look at you. You're this amazing and practically perfect guy and I’m like five hundred pounds of pure disgusting and you just look like - I just - ”
I touched his leg and I felt him calm down.
“I can get into another body.”
“No, don’t. That’s not the point.” I think he was hurt when I said this because his facial muscles did something that I had yet to see before.
“I might have to. He’s getting tired.” I tried relieving the tension and pointed down at mys host sprawled out on the bed. It was true, my body was starting to slow down a little bit, but I was enjoying this whole thing too much. In the end, I was going to have to find a new one and let this one rest temporarily. I could always go back to Dylan but I couldn’t do that to him again, plus he was nowhere to be found since he disappeared.
“Oh.” Michael was sliding his pants on from the side of the bed. He had a cute butt but I didn’t want to say anything else that had to do with body image just in case.
“It can be anybody you want.” I took his place on the side of the bed, completely nude and actually quite hard. Michael had turned to find the erection and smiled, his complexion brightening up as I stood to wrap my arms around him.
“Anybody?” He asked, his hand sliding up the small of my back.
“Anybody,” I maneuvered my head around his and kissed him on the neck, “you know, no matter how you look, I think that we have a connection and it is getting stronger the more time I spend with you. I can’t quite put my finger on what it is yet but I just feel different when I’m with you. I actually feel human. Is that weird?” I looked down at myself and then back into his hazel eyes.
He turned around, a little red to the cheeks and I scooped my arms underneath his, looking at the both of us from the mirror inside the bathroom, “No, not at all.” He kissed my cheek, pulled away and tossed my clothes at me.
“You better get dressed. We have a body to find you! I think I might already have an idea who it is going to be since he's my neighbor.” He sent a message with his phone and it chimed back almost instantly giving us our location.
“Alright, but I don’t really need my clothes.” I walked into the bathroom, leaving him to get ready.
“Why?” Michael grabbed his shoes and slid them on, looking through the door at me.
“Because, we’ll be back to get him. I’ll just put him to sleep until I come back, unlike Dylan. Unfortunately, you’ll have to carry me around.” I smiled at him, stepped into the tub, and laid down against the cold linoleum. Exiting his body convulsions seemed to interest Michael and pooled on between his pecs, looking up at him as he walked into the room. Cody was limp and his body already began healing. Wiggling to get get his attention, Michael reached down and wrapped his fingers around me, giving me a cozy home inside the pocket of his bag.
“Off to the beach! You know, it’s funny that I even found you. I haven’t really written a story about this whole thing and now we’re - ”
Michael continued talking as he walked towards the coffee shop but I got lost listening to him and feeling the vibrations against the pocket lining. Hearing his voice made me feel safe.
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